Betrayal trauma is the emotional, mental, and physical distress you feel when you have been deceived by an intimate partner, caregiver, or medical professional.
This article will discuss betrayal trauma in a romantic relationship.
How Betrayal Trauma Affects You and Your Relationship
Betrayal trauma caused by someone you love and trust, like your partner, is devastating. The betrayal can be infidelity, emotional affairs, or lying.
Impact of betrayal trauma
The impact of betrayal trauma is complex and long-lasting. It causes deep and ongoing feelings of pain, anger, and confusion. It can result in symptoms such as depression, anxiety, and a loss of self-esteem. Studies have shown that it can also cause post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). It can also lead to physical symptoms, such as insomnia, headaches, and digestive issues. The impact of betrayal trauma can be felt on a personal level and on the entire relationship.
Experiencing betrayal can result in denial, shock, anger, humiliation, and confusion. You run through a cycle of these emotions daily, sometimes constantly. There is a lot of inner conflict. Deception causes you to have conflicted feelings about your partner and your relationship. You begin to doubt yourself and your partner. The two of you no longer seem like the people you once were. The authenticity of your relationship will also come into question. You will doubt the strength of your partner’s feelings and commitment.
Changes in your relationship
Due to the fact that betrayal causes trauma in the person who has been deceived, the relationship is severely impacted as well. Your relationship no longer has any trust. The boundaries and rules of your relationship have been trampled on. It will take time for you and your partner to regain common ground and to compromise.
Your relationship with your partner may not go back to the way it used to be. Betrayal is a form of emotional abuse, and often other abusive dynamics can come into play. How you manage your trauma will be affected by your partner’s response to how you are feeling.
Still, people can come together again after a betrayal. This can be supported by therapy like couples therapy or relationship counseling. Getting individual or trauma therapy can help you process and heal from a betrayal.
Compassion from your partner
However, often the person who has committed the deception – cheating, for example – is not compassionate to their betrayed partner. You may have a difficult time getting your partner to explain themselves, or tell you what happened. They might not be willing to give you details, or even admit that they have done anything wrong. This is a form of gaslighting – denying what you know to be true and making you question your sanity and grip on reality.
Dealing with the trauma of betrayal without the support or at least the empathy of your partner can make it hard to recover.
Effects on Emotional and Mental Health
Being betrayed by a romantic partner has serious effects on a person’s mental and emotional health. As we mentioned before, betrayal trauma has been known to cause PTSD in people. Signs of PTSD include: intrusive thoughts and images, flashbacks, nightmares, avoidance behaviors, hypervigilance.
Someone dealing with betrayal trauma may start to experience symptoms of depression. These include but are not limited to: persistent feelings of sadness, fatigue, irritability, body aches, feeling worthless, change in sleep and eating patterns.
Anxiety
Learning of a partner’s betrayal causes anxiety for many people. This can feel like constant worry, trouble sleeping, racing heartbeat, digestive issues, and feeling nervous. You may also have an underlying sense of paranoia around your partner. This paranoia gets triggered when for example, you hear them talking on the phone, when they receive a message, or when they go out somewhere. You have suspicions that their deception is still happening, or is going to happen again.
Trust in yourself
One of the worst effects of betrayal is that you begin to feel like you cannot trust yourself. Confidence in your choices and the decisions you make decreases. You wonder where you went wrong in your judgment. You repeatedly go over the signs you missed, or the lies that you did not catch your partner in. Your ability to read a situation comes into question. You think about what you could have done to prevent this from ever happening. It is in this unhealthy cycle that self-blame comes in. Being caught up in these kinds of thoughts and feelings can make you feel stuck or aimless. This is why so many people dealing with betrayal trauma take a hit to their self-esteem and self-worth.
Sense of loss
There is a deep sense of loss or grief that comes after being betrayed. You have lost the idea you had of your relationship. Your partner is not what you thought they were. Losing the image you held of your partner and relationship is similar to grief. You will grieve what you thought you had, what you could have had, and the person you thought your partner was.
If you are struggling with betrayal trauma, consider reaching out to a mental health professional for help. A therapist can provide treatment like relationship counseling or couples therapy to help you and your partner get through it. Individual therapy can also help you recover and heal from the trauma caused by betrayal. Here at Trust Mental Health, we have an experienced team of BIPOC therapists. We speak over 10 languages between us and are trained in various modes of therapy. Contact us today for a free 15-minute consultation.
FAQs
How can couples therapy help us?
Couples therapy can help you and your partner work through and overcome difficulties in your relationship. It will improve your communication and give you the tools you need to manage issues within your relationship. It will result in greater relationship satisfaction and a healthy dynamic.
I need therapy, how do I find a therapist near me?
Trust Mental Health offers both in-person and online therapy to clients in San Jose and all over California. Browse our team page to learn more about our diverse team and contact us to book an appointment.